Archery, Juggling, and Fat Jokes by Moonmaiden
72Laughing is good for you.
G-rated for your pleasure
Since today's topic is jokes, I thought I'd write some and steal some. Warning...nearly every joke is politically incorrect. That's what makes them funny. They are often what people think instead of what they say.
Archery Jokes
What do archers say to guys with swords?
"You can run if you want but you'll only die tired."
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Which is more dangerous...a great archer or a terrible one?
A terrible one, because a great one hits where they aim, but a poor one may hit anything.
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What did the lustful maiden say to the handsome archer?
"You make me quiver."
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What do real archers say to compound archers?
"I see you still have your training wheels on your bow."
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What did the archer say to the postal clerk when asked if they were shipping anything hazardous?
"No sir, just a bunch of sticks and feathers."
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Juggling Jokes
Juggler to woman after dropping a juggling club on her foot.
"Sorry ma'am, it was a sudden gust of gravity."
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Street juggler while passing the hat:
"Please give generously and keep me on the streets."
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Juggler to parents and their future students at a 'welcome to the University' barbeque:
"Four years of college and this is how I make a living."
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Juggler to parents at University barbeque:
"You'd juggle too if you had my grades."
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Juggler to parents at University barbeque:
"At least you know I'm sober."
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Juggler to the 100th person that walked by and said, "Got a match?"
"Sorry sir, there is no match for your original witty heckling."
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Audience member to juggler doing torches: "Is that real fire."
Juggler, "No, my singed eyebrows and the smell of my burning hair are just a special effect."
Fat Jokes
Passerby to fat person. "Wow, you're fat."
Fat person, "Thanks for pointing that out. Otherwise I never would have noticed."
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Little kid to fat lady: "Why are you so fat?"
Fat lady to little kid: "Why are you so short?"
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Little kid to fat man: "Why are you so fat."
Fat man, "My parents were mean to me so I ate them."
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Hope you enjoyed them. Now go write some of your own.
Photos by Moonmaiden
My juggling blog
- Parts For Juggling Club Project
I think I have most of the parts for the juggling club DIY now that I mentioned on Hubpages. I picked up the tennis balls at the dollar store yesterday. Now I need to carve out some time to work on it. I was going to wait until after Christmas, but now that our apartment might go up for sale, I'd like to finish these before all the parts get lost if we suddenly find ourselves moving. It's too soon to tell yet.
- Making Juggling Clubs With Dowels and Plastic Bottles
Yesterday I found myself unexpectedly at a hardware store. So I got most of the parts I didn't already have for making the juggling clubs. I got 3 dowels to cut in half, as well as the furniture tips for the end of the handles, and some screws. I hope I have all the other parts at home already. Here are some photos for ideas on decorating. I'll have to go through my tape box to see what colors of tape I have for the decorations. I'm writing an article about the project here because not many people come to my blog and I want a wider audience. Of course now comes the hard part, the actual making of the clubs. I was planning to start after Christmas because I'm swamped right now. But we'll see.
- Make Your Own Juggling Clubs
I think you might like my story. I met a homeless club juggler who told me he got the directions on Youtube. When I first learned to juggle in 1977, we made our own clubs, much like these from directions in Carlo's Juggling Book. Eventually we got professional clubs, & I forgot all about DIY clubs. I've met so many ball jugglers without the resources to buy clubs and it never occurred to me to tell them to make their own. Now 34 years later, it seems DIY clubs are the green version and cool to own again. Only in this version the handles are padded, which is a nice plus and ours were handle heavy, so I think the tennis ball on the end would help a lot with the balance. Now you have no excuse for not making clubs and then learning how to juggle them. Right? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8apAP_FZ01U
CommentsLoading...
cute hub. I used to dream jokes a long time ago. all of them were pretty bad (ie: not funny). I think the best of the lot was a dream of a burlesque hall and a short comedian standing next to a tall big-breasted blonde and her saying to him "not tonight, I have a slow leak.".
now you see why I'm not a stand up comedian. :p
Actually you are pretty famous on Hubpages for your dry wit.
I wouldn't have said that, but thx. lol. I thought I was infamous for being strange. :p
Very funny! I enjoyed it very much. Thanks Moonmaiden!
I just saw your juggle bunny blog with five balls in the air. Impressive! I'm trying to learn how to juggle five balls now. Long ways to go.
Thanks Paul. I need to buy some new juggling balls so I can keep practicing five. The balloons are just too misshapen for numbers juggling. When you can do five show me the photo.
I really enjoyed your post, very funny, congrats! keep on posting!
Yep, sometimes you just have to look at things in the right context and laugh. If you think about it too much, then you're just not going to have a good time. I liked these jokes :)
manoharv2001 3 years ago
great hub